- Say no to going out
- You have work to do
- Stay at home to do the work
- Don’t do it
- Squander precious minutes of your life playing instruments badly/roaming the Internet
- Find yourself looking at weird things
- Aww pictures of Ed Miliband’s baby! That’s actually fucking adorable
- Wait, why would you be looking at that?
- THAT’S NOT EVEN YOUR BABY
- One more game of Tetris before work. No harm in that.
- Get phone call from some-one having a measurably better time than you
- “Yes, okay, I am so happy for you. Have fun doing shots from in between a strippers cleavage while I sit at home in my underpants watching scrubs and writing about Liberal Humanist criticism.”
- Hang up
- What to do now. Hmmm.
- Stare at google blankly
- search for “naked Hugh Jackman”
- No results
- Is this what you have become?
- Question your existence
- because really, why do you continue living?
- Insert cheesecake into mouth during the intervals between sobs
- Repeat every night until essay is due
